Fallow. Adjective: (Of land) plowed and left unseeded for a season or more; uncultivated. Noun: land that has undergone plowing and harrowing and has been left unseeded for one or more growing seasons.

I had the privilege of hearing Sandra McCracken play her hymn, In Feast or Fallow, this past Sunday a house show. I think the Lord brought me to there that night just to hear this song. To remember.

There is something beautiful that happens in our waiting. I've found myself waiting a lot lately. Waiting for the next revelation. The next opportunity. The next day. The next season. Waiting for hope to be restored. Death to be no more. Tears to stop. Christ's return.

Where's the beauty in dying though? Why must there be the fallow? I've heard it over and over again, the answer to this question. But it has not resonated true in my heart yet. I fight death. I hate death. I want myself. Selfishness. My gain. My harvest. My time.

Yet there must be a fallow season. There must be a time to be stripped, torn, plowed through, left barren. The earth is left, waiting, for it's restoration. For God's gentle hand of nourishment to knead into the tired ground. It's only in this season of the fallow that a harvest can produce.

So I wait. I must learn that waiting is beautiful. That dying brings life. Dying to myself, to my time, to my agenda, to my hopes and dreams. I wait for all restoration. For final redemption. My soul, tired, worn, and stripped. Yet resting in God's nourishment. His gentle hand of faithfulness, grace, and love to an undeserved individual.

As Sandra McCracken says, "Life is like farming, with seasons of planting, waiting, harvesting, and resting." I drink my cup thankfully.

v.1 "When the fields are dry, and the winter is long

Blessed are the meek, the hungry, the poor.

When my soul is downcast, and my voice has no song

For mercy, for comfort, I wait on the Lord

CH: In the harvest feast or the fallow ground

My certain hope is in Jesus found

My lot, my cup, my portion sure

Whatever comes, we shall endure

Whatever comes, we shall endure

We had a great time with friends and a community of broken people longing for hope:

Thy Mercy My God

I went for a walk this morning listening to Sandra McCracken. As I walked and took in her melody and John Stocker's lyrics to this song, my heart found rest, freedom, and peace. May its richness do the same for you.

Thy mercy, My God, is the theme of my song
The joy of my heart, and boast of my tongue
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections and bound my soul fast.

Without thy sweet mercy I could not live here,
Sin soon would reduce me to utter despair;
But, through thy free goodness, my spirits revive
And he that first made me, still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart;
Dissolved by thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I found.

The door of thy mercy stands open all day
To the door and the need who knock by the way;
No sinner shall ever be empty sent back,
Who comes seeking mercy for Jesus' sake.

Thy mercy is Jesus exempts me from hell;
Its glories I'll sing, and its wonders I'll tell;
'Twas Jesus my all, as he hung on the tree,
Who opened the channel of mercy for me.

Great Father of mercies, thy goodness I own,
And the cov'nant love of thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit whose whisper divine,
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine!

Life back in the States...

I arrived back in the States about a week ago! I came in a day later than expected. Typical me, I missed my flight out and had to wait till the next day to leave. Daniel thought he was going to get out of having to take a guest to the airport super early ( my original flight was at 1pm, my new flight: 7am-- meaning, we left the house at 4am-- not so much)

So what's it like to be home? Home?? What exactly is that anymore?

My definition of 'home' has been in constant redefining all summer long. In the beginning my home began on Discovery where it was defined as a different place each night in which we moved from campsite to campsite. It quickly changed once again after I left the woods and came back to my stable house right in the middle of the city in Columbia. I came to know it as a place where I had grown up, finding refuge over the weekends when I came home from college. That time didn't last too long. Shortly after arriving in the city, I left again, only this time to another country. My new 'home' was then defined as living in another country with dear friends where I had to learn how to adjust to new customs, people, and languages.

Now I am back here in the States where a new definition is unfolding. Soon I am going to be living with 8 wonderful girls in a Montreat Cottage for one year.

Ahhh... where is the constant? Is change always inevitable? In some things yes, but in the important- no. C.S Lewis says it well and here is what I have come to conclude about 'home' after this summer:

"The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and pose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a swim or football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to make them our home."

-The Problem of Pain, C.S Lewis

The Lord is our Home. He is our Constant. He does not change, nor is His home different in other places. "Our citizenship is in Heaven...." I might travel and move all around on this journey, but I will never be encouraged to settle anywhere else than in Himself.

Do You Need a Hand?

I was looking through some old photo albums yesterday when I passed over one, then quickly returned to study the fine art. At first, I was like whose hand is that? What a beautiful sight. Then I quickly remembered... wait, that's my ring... and MY HAND!! If this Total Money Make-Over by Dave Ramsey turns out to be a scam ( and yes, I am currently in the process of being 'made over' financially) then I am counting on this beauty to pull me through with the bills.

It's got potential....

And don't worry, my protective hand glass case has been ordered and is on it's way...

The Brave Comradeship of God

Sometimes Oswald Chambers rocks my socks off. If you don't own, or have readily available "My Utmost for His Highest", then we should talk. Somehow it has made it's way right up there with the Bible for me. Don't worry, I'm not being heretical here-- I didn't say it "was" the Bible. It is just a solid second.

Luke 18:31 "Then He took unto Him the twelve."

"We are apt to say that because a man has natural ability, therefore he will make a good Christian. It is not a question of our equipment, but of our poverty, not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a question of natural virtues of strength of character, knowledge, and experience- all that is of no avail in this matter. The only thing that avails is that we are taken up into the big compelling of God and made His comrades (1 Cor. 1:26-30).

The comradeship of God is made up out of men who know their poverty. He can do nothing with the man who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not out for our own cause at all, we are out for the cause of God, which can never be our cause. We do not know what God is after, but we have to maintain our relationship with Him whatever that happens. We must never allow anything to injure our relationship with God; if it does get injured we must take time and get it put right."

What an encouraging article as I contemplated all the 'ever so huge, thick walls' that seem impossible to break through. I have lots of unknowns and challenges before me this upcoming school year and even though the tasks feel impossible - God says with Him, it's otherwise. I hear Him saying...."Oh yea.. just watch what I can do".

Well here we go. I'm watching Lord.

A New Kind of Style

Some of you who know me well, know that I love Christian Rap. Call me lame, but nothing can get me more pumped ( especially on a long run or car drive ) than some good Lecrae or Flame. Here is a new music video out by Trip Lee called "The Invasion". Baller. Be warned, you might just convert over to the new style.

The second verse is a great Word:

"God is not pleased man, it's clear that His standards missed. The world is running rampant with, sin it's an abandonment. Man is feeling stranded, feeling hopeless since his banishment. God is angry at the distortion and the mismanagement. Evil is at work, but don't be thinking He can't handle it. He promised He would do away with all of it, dismantle it .He's put up with this damage in His world, but He's promised us- That He'll destroy all His enemies and then He'll walk with us New Heaven, new Earth that's where all His sheep dwell. Cause Jesus succeeded in every part of life that we failed. Died the death we couldn't die, paid our price with 3 nails. Began the work He promised, in the end we all will be well. Already beat our enemies and when His Kingdom's realized -all those who oppose Him will see Jesus with some real eyes. Deliverance is offered us, the Hero... He is urging us. Salvation is exclusive to His people who have turned to trust"

Read Your Bible

I come in from getting late night coffee and Sarah is on the couch with Thomas just fixing to read their nightly devotional. Here is how their conversation went:

Sarah: "Thomas, are you ready to do our nightly devotionals?"

Thomas: "Yea Mum! And I know which one we can do..."

Sarah: "Oh yea? What's that?"

Thomas: "We can read about Shadrach, Meshach, and A-Minute- Ago.."

Sarah holds in a quiet laugh

Thomas: "Isn't that funny Mum- that someone's name is A-Minute-Ago?!"

We both just died laughing. One thing I have learned this summer: hang out with more kids, they are stinkin' hilarious!

Immediately after I thought of Madea. "You know who you remind me of? Peter, Peter walking on the water.." This makes me laugh every time! Can't wait to watch this with my besties again!

I Can Do Bad All By Myself

The Blessings of Friends

Right after the BWO Team left we had the dear Weed family and sweet Angela Greco come down to visit and serve for a few days.

Angela, Kellie, Mrs. Carolyn, and Randy

Just to preface this sweet family for my readers, Jamie Weed was my very first friend after I moved those long 8 years ago to Lexington Middle School. I moved from a class size of a whopping 13 to an overwhelming 500+. Sweet Jamie saw my terrified face and awkward stance those many mornings before school when I was clueless to the new ways of a public school- and she in her great kindness and mercy took pity on me. We've been friends ever since and more than that, her family took a liking to me too. Thank you guys for all your hospitality and encouragement over the years, and more importantly- the love you have for my parents! We love you guys!

Now Angela's turn (don't you worry, I wasn't going to forget about you sweet girl). Angela is seriously the sister I never had. Over those awkward high school years and beginning stages of college the Greco's became my second family. We like to say it was Jesus and their love for me, but we all know it was their extremely loud Northern flare-- wait.. no it was totally their ability to cook. They are Italians from New Jersey. Yea. Fist pump.

Angela's brother Johnny is one of my best friends and as Johnny and I ventured together in Christ, Angela's relationship and I began to grow. Every time I come home I love going to see her and hanging out with her. Typical us: coffee dates, dressing up, and talking about Jesus, life, and boys.

Love her!

So needless to say- this group's visit was very encouraging and brought a sweet taste of home.

Over their week here they served in many ways both in the community and towards the Barrett family. They were able to see a lot of Jaco and experience a lot of Costa Rica. Some of the things included cleaning up the Kid's Club park and repainting the benches:

Visiting the River Bed, where conditions are extremely poor...

Putting in a stove for a dear woman on the North Side of town, helping with Kids Club, and loving on the boys here greatly:

At the NorthSide installing the Stove- one the locals cut open some Coconuts for us- called Pipa juice!

At the Park

At Los Lagos- we found a Burger King and got ice cream and CROWNS! woohoo, the boys loved them!

Later in the week we took an adventure to a resort in the North part of the country called Los Lagos. It's a beautiful drive through the cool air covered mountains covered in farms of different types of plants. The resort is right near Volcan Arenal. Here I saw my first volcano ever! Not to mention it is still active. The resort has turned the place into an awesome spot for vacation. There are natural hot springs with slides, a butterfly farm, an alligator farm, a turtle farm, beautiful gardens, and a hike up to overlook the volcano. One afternoon we decided to take the hike up to the overlook. The clouds cover it most of the time, but the Lord showed us favor this week and we were able to get full views of it. As soon as we hiked down, the clouds recovered it. However... we were able to hear it bubbling ( seriously thought it was erupting...craziest thing everrr)

I ventured to my outdoor ways one afternoon and dragged a mattress out onto the porch. It was nice and cool outside. I took advantage and took a glorious nap listening to the rain fall right before dinner. If I knew more about the insects and bugs I might have slept out there for the night-- buttt I like my life and understand I can die from a dang misquito.

The Barretts in front of the overlook

Angela and I outside the hotel

One afternoon we were able to go to the Canopy Tour. How hilariously fun. Mr. Randy is the Man.. and so is Mrs. Carolyn. It has such great views and the people that work there are awesome. We laughed a whole lot and even saw monkeys (even though Mrs. Carolyn was convinced they were going to attack her face and rip it to shreds... haha for real)

scareeeeed, but not.

It was so nice having the girls here. We took mini-adventures of our own a few nights. We went out for coffee, went surfing, and made videos-- not to mention the bedbunk talk till 4 in the morning. So great....! Miss you girls and can't wait to see Step Up 3d with youuuuu!

Coffee of the week for me: Number 6ish

Night shopping on the Strip

Cafe Del Mar for a coffee date

Johnny's birthday was on one of the days there were down here... so we made him this little gift and sent it to him!

Muchas Amor

B.elievers W.orld O.utreach

Our second mission team - BWO - came for ten days (July 9-July 19) and I must say I miss them already. It was a group consisting of 30ish students and adults from all over the country. They say that, but really they were all from California. (Nah, jk.. maybe one was from Oklahoma ha). Dearest Lindsay Caddel, I thought of you everyday. Also, we had a group of translators come from San Jose to serve with us for free! (wow!! I miss ya'll and WILL visit soon!) I will say that the Lord knows what we need when we need it, and I needed college kids in my life for 10 days. Not only was this group full of servant hearts, but of life too. I'm telling you- giving your life away does something to the soul. And it was evident in our serving during the day and worshiping together in the evenings. I meet many brothers and sisters in Christ that will always be apart of my experience here in Jaco. If any of you are reading this: know you guys strengthened my heart greatly.... thanks for serving, playing soccer, shopping, eating, surfing, and loving Jesus with me! What a privilege to meet every one of you!

This team has been coming to Jaco for like 5 years now, so for some, Jaco holds a special spot in their hearts. Typically, they bring like a team of 200 people with them. Daniel and Sarah actually came to Costa Rica for the first time with BWO a few years back, and now the rest is history! They break the group up into 'mission teams'. This year we had three teams: a sports teams, a VBS team, and a Cosmo team. The sports team put on a 3 day soccer clinic and another 3 day surf clinic. The VBS had three hour slots in three locations around town. Finally, the Cosmo team went between the VBS and Sport sites and gave free hair cuts and pedicures/manicures. Also, on Friday night the Cosmo team gave free hand massages outside the park. The goal was to minister to prostitutes before or during their evening 'business'. I had the privilege to go out with this smaller team. That will be a whole other blog though, what an eye opening experience...

Daniel and I were able to put our brains together for the soccer camp and what a turn out! I think we had like 60ish kids one day. We held it at the Cancha (field) where we have church, in hopes that kids would want to continue coming and being discipled after the camp ended. Our purpose for the week was: To love God, to love others, and make disciples. Each day we had two main sessions, morning and afternoon. The morning session focused on practicing technical skills, then we broke off for lunch, and the evening session focused on playing small sided games. The kids LOVED this part of the day! We had old jerseys we gave them and split them all up into teams. Having a jersey is a huge deal for some kids. It costs money to play on a team down here, so most cant afford it. During each water break the mission team had the chance to share the gospel with them! The team did a great job and loved on the kids so well- regardless of the language. That was such a joy for me to see. I tell you, this group was full of troopers. Most of them surfed (hence Cali) and not a lot played soccer, but they were more than eager to help out and serve in any way. Not only that, after the camp was over, we got to hang out a few times and play small sided ourselves. One afternoon we put together a team and played some local guys-- that was sooo fun!

Here are some photos from the soccer clinic:

Our whole group

Some of the girls the last day

Where have I seen those jersey's before?!

Awards ceremony where we award this little boy named Juan a trophy for having the best attitude. He was so surprised and all the older kids were so proud for him!

The girls team-- YaY

The team presenting the Gospel the last day

The schedule for surf camp was the same. That was a whole new experience for me. The kids had a great time though and loved getting the chance to be helped up on a board! My favorite part about these three day was with this girl named Puala. Even though 11 she already has had an extremely hard life. Sarah told me she is like the best surfer for her age in all of Costa Rica. I don't think I have meet such cold and callous hearted girl like her. However, we all had the chance to love on her over the days- and "poco a poco" or little by little- I saw the Lord's love soften some of her hardness and darkness began to fade away. She actually began smiling and even rejoicing for other friends. I see her often around town, and I pray that the Lord will continue to water the seeds established by this team over this week with her.

Hang 10:

Learning how to stand up properly

The whole group

BooYah

Puala

BWO, thank you for being obedient and stepping out on faith to come and serve for 10 days here in Jaco. As Pastor John said, you might feel like you only had a little to offer, but God- in our brokeness- will bless our obedience and action of faith. Know that your work here in the Lord was not in vain. Trust in the One who is in the business of changing hearts! You're missed greatly, and hopefully we can all meet again, if not in heaven!